SUNDAY, JUNE 21ST, 2009 AT 10:27 AM

Responsible Fatherhood

Posted by Macon Phillips

On the 100th anniversary of Father’s Day, the President writes a piece on fatherhood in Parade Magazine talking about his own life and highlighting the responsibilities all fathers must step up to:

In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.

That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
On Friday the President hosted some well-known fathers and everyday dads from across the country to discuss what fathers are doing to strengthen themselves, their families and their communities.  One of the guests at that event was Chief Quartermaster John Lehnen, who adds his thoughts to the President’s in this video:

Chief Lehnen is a devoted husband and father of four special needs children, and with over 10 years of service, he has shown extraordinary dedication to his family and country.  That dedication has been honored with multiple awards including the Sailor of the Quarter and Navy-Corps Achievement and Commendation Medals and the 2009 Military Fatherhood Award from National Fatherhood Initiative.  Chief Lehnen also cares deeply about his fellow sailors and their families, encouraging sailors to participate in the United Through Reading campaign and family readiness groups.

The child within is “to be for ever fresh-born!”  Recovering and holding on to the wonder of the boy within is what we are after as men and sons of the Father.  This is how we continue in the unlearning of self-protection and where we remember and discover anew the child we are in Christ!

As men, we need many opportunities to take ourselves out of our normal routines and put ourselves in a context and place where we can unplug, play and be fresh-born…again.

We must, along with the Scriptures and the church “disciple” our boys out in creation, where we can train, develop, and continue to mold them into holy young men that are learning how to walk and talk with God their perfect Father.

Masculine spirituality calls us out into the wild–with the Creator– where the Holy Spirit can transform us as we are taken to the Father through the finished work of Jesus His son.

Celebrating the wonder of our boys and calling out what is in their hearts in a masculine and spiritual way is what we are after as Fathers of sons.  There is a wonderful, mysterious beauty to all of this…praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit!

I have a seven-year-old son named Max and he continues to amaze me with the things that make his heart come alive: Star Wars, Prince Caspian, Harry Potter, being a cowboy(six shooter cap gun and holster), playing baseball, Tae Kwon Do, using any stick he can find as a sword or spear and wrestling with me (I’m the dragon and he is the young, strong prince). I should say that I have yet to teach my son how to sword fight with a stick or how to pretend that he and I are Jedi warriors. His imagination, heart and words all speak the language of a boy, a man in the making or one who bears the image of God through his masculinity.

As I researched the issue of masculinity, I read something I had never considered before. Leanne Payne writes in her book Crisis in Masculinity that “man contains within himself at least the vestigial elements of both the masculine and the feminine.” She goes on to write that the Judaic creation account states that before Eve was taken from Adam’s body, Adam was created both male and female in the image of God (Gen 1:27). The two taken together, compose God’s image. She goes on to write that in the terrain of the heart the masculine and feminine are two complementary poles of the human psyche and that they are capacities and potentialities that must be nurtured, affirmed and in proper balance. This explains why, still using the analogy of my son Max, the Jedi Warrior likes to have stories read to him, likes to pray and cuddle with me at night. There is certainly a softer, more intimate side to my son that he is not afraid to let me see.

Elizabeth Elliot, states that “the essence of masculinity is initiation and the essence of femininity is response.” Leanne Payne goes on to write “much that is called emotional illness or instability today is merely the masculine or the feminine unaffirmed and out of balance within the personality.” According to Leanne Payne and others, masculinity is not a thing to be learned, but rather a quality to be tasted or experienced. She writes “the masculine within is called forth and blessed by the masculine without.” John Eldredge writes “in order to understand how a man receives a wound, you must understand the central truth of a boy’s journey to manhood: Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man, or the company of men.” If the masculinity is not called forth and blessed by the father, it will lay dormant and the boy will split off from his masculinity and over develop his feminine. Payne writes, “a man is never a man until his father tells him that he is one.” It is interesting to note that even Jesus was affirmed as a son by God the Father. The Apostle Peter writes about one account “For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Jesus needed to hear those words from His father and so do we.

We are in the beginning stages of this work with our sons. They are not men-yet-but we can affirm and bless the masculinity that is in our boys and call it forth. May God the Father help us as we desire to deposit a huge dose of affirmation into their hearts in a few weeks.