Many men (including myself) in our community have been disillusioned by poor masculine leadership…many of us are desiring to be better and more loving leaders…found this in Proverbs this morning…qualities that make a good Christian leader…Eugene Peterson notes that “transforming leadership is the kind where the first one transformed is the leader.”

Pr 16:10

A good leader motivates, doesn’t mislead, doesn’t exploit.

If you notice, the values that we are learning (embodying) in our community are helping us become better leaders. We should motivate others and not mislead or exploit them. Can you imagine this type of leadership in the workplace? Can you imagine a boss (or being the kind of boss) who motivates with truth and honesty and desires your ( employee’s) ultimate good? What ripple effect would that have on companies and careers?

What about at home? The best way I know to motivate my wife is to serve her. She especially loves acts of service. She loves when I help clean up the house, do the dishes or make sure the kids are bathed and put to bed. When I serve my wife this way she lights up like a star. When she gets “Mommy time” and is able to enjoy solitude and recharge her batteries-she comes home not feeling mislead and exploited but cherished.

With my brothers-it is the practice of continued honesty, taking my turn on the mat, bringing current sin to confession-this keeps me from misleading or exploiting my friends.

As a father, apologizing to my son and daughters when I sin against them, deposits in them a gift that Dad is leading and loving with authenticity and not rhetoric. Bottom line: leading with honest weakness and current struggle will ensure that I am not exploiting and misleading the people around me.

Read more

Find out more about this father and son at Boehm’s Blog

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Small Groupologist Rick Howerton is fond of putting a note of authenticity to what is typically a mundane question when he asks, “How are you doing REALLY?” Recently I had an opportunity to have lunch with a friend I spent some of my high school and all of my college years with. Right away I asked him how he was doing, he said “fine.” There was a pause. The word “really”  hung in the air for a moment before he added, “I don’t know. Sometimes I think bad thoughts.”

“Like what?”

“Like, ‘I wonder what would happen if I just left.’”

“What do you mean, ‘left’?”

“‘Left’ as in ‘left and never came back.’”

Of course we talked our way through it for a few minutes. He wasn’t serious. At least, wasn’t serious in considering walking out on his life. But what he was saying was how tired of the routines and the mundane of life he has become. This can’t be uncommon in men getting close to 40 or thereabouts. The word my friend used was “trapped.” In an email exchange I had with yet another friend in this demographic I got the following:

“I wake up a lot of days and have the same what I’ll call malaise. It’s like the new day I’m facing is the exact same day I had yesterday and tomorrow doesn’t promise to be much different or better.”

Now that’s just being honest. Who can’t relate to something on the level of Groundhog Day at least for stretches (for me it tends to be January-March). Neither of these men would describe the lives as bad or their families as anything other than a blessing. I’ve known them both for most of my life and can honestly say that I love them. They’re both very successful at what they do. But I do wonder what the sum of these conversations is and what implication it has for the larger culture of today. In what ways have we both robbed ourselves and, perhaps, been robbed of adventure—which would seem to be part of the issue at hand.

If you take a moment to consider the various radio commercials you hear as well as the corporate advertisements seen on television,  but particularly television sitcoms, the sum of it is that it appears that masculinity has been lost. There was time when every young boy dreamed of being Superman. It was reinforced in our heroes, our culture—the fact is that something was expected; that life demanded something of you. A boy was expected to look the inevitable storms in the eye, forge a path through the night and face the darkness, and grow into significance. This is not commentary on leadership, but on masculinity. This is how a man bears God’s image. Alas Superman! But our culture it seems would like nothing more than to tear this image down. Of course during peace times—times with little to no adversity, strife, and war—this attribute of masculinity isn’t as vital. The mistake that’s made, however, is that these times of perceived peace are just that: perceived. The reality is that we are always at war and masculinity should always be summoned into the breach of the battles set before us. These battles tend to call out the best in us.

We need Superman, or what Friedrich Nietzsche referred to as the ubermensch that overcomes traditional boundaries to rise above the herd. Symptoms like the conversations I describe above are indicative of a dying Superman, a Superman robbed of battle and adventure, conditioned to be content to sit in front of the television on Saturdays and Sundays. But instead we are moving more and more into a liberal era that continues to look to external agencies like government for solutions and rescue instead of the latent heroes within us. There is a Superman within us … all of us. This, I can’t help but believe, is the essence of the human condition.

SUNDAY, JUNE 21ST, 2009 AT 10:27 AM

Responsible Fatherhood

Posted by Macon Phillips

On the 100th anniversary of Father’s Day, the President writes a piece on fatherhood in Parade Magazine talking about his own life and highlighting the responsibilities all fathers must step up to:

In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.

That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
On Friday the President hosted some well-known fathers and everyday dads from across the country to discuss what fathers are doing to strengthen themselves, their families and their communities.  One of the guests at that event was Chief Quartermaster John Lehnen, who adds his thoughts to the President’s in this video:

Chief Lehnen is a devoted husband and father of four special needs children, and with over 10 years of service, he has shown extraordinary dedication to his family and country.  That dedication has been honored with multiple awards including the Sailor of the Quarter and Navy-Corps Achievement and Commendation Medals and the 2009 Military Fatherhood Award from National Fatherhood Initiative.  Chief Lehnen also cares deeply about his fellow sailors and their families, encouraging sailors to participate in the United Through Reading campaign and family readiness groups.

Celebrating with you the Father’s Heart,

Glenn, Phil, Tom

]]> http://abbasway.com/2009/08/27/celebration/feed/ 0 glennmcclure FHW09 GROUP http://abbasway.com/2009/08/15/celebrate-your-son/ http://abbasway.com/2009/08/15/celebrate-your-son/#comments Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:36:31 +0000 Philo http://abbasway.com/?p=537 ]]> This is a guest post from one of our closest allies and an expert on boys, David Thomas. Find out more about David and his work on his website or at Daystar.

Its missing in our culture. We just don’t have the rituals seen in other cultures to celebrate a boy on his journey toward manhood. Take him in. He is a force with which to be reckoned and he needs to know it, see it and celebrate it in this culture that would attempt to emasculate him. We see a great picture of this in the Jewish culture with the Bar Mitzvah. In it the end of one stage celebrates with beginning of another.

I had an opportunity to be a part of celebrating a young man. He was an eagle scout. He loved the outdoors and had a long history of camping with others. During his journey toward manhood one day his father had mapped out a trail through the woods. The two them started hiking a journey together. This amazing dad had placed several important people in his life along this trail. They included his grandfathers, friends, uncles and me. Everyone shared key blessings of the past and future and hopes about him and his journey. At the end of the experience all of the participants joined other family members as they celebrated the son. This blessing ritual clearly marked his evolution into manhood. It is a memory that will fill campfire stories and remembrances that give life.

How do you celebrate your son? Is it an event? A weekend? Doing things with him he loves (whether you do or not)? Celebrate him between grade and middle school, middle and high, his first shave, the drivers permit or license. Celebrate him in a way that will pierce his heart.

You are invited on an expedition of the heart, to remember the boy within, and for you and your son to truly experience the Father’s heart through a weekend that is much more than a typical father/son retreat. This will be a guided journey that pours affirmation into your son (and yourself) just as God was intentional in affirming his son (Matt 3:17). This weekend will create an environment that fills your son with AWE (Affirmation, Wonder, & Exploration).

Join us on August 21-23 at Deer Run Retreat Center in Franklin, TN. For fathers and their sons, ages 6-11.

Some of the weekend’s activities include:

* Lord of the Rings Adventure
* Ropes Course
* Survivor Challenge
* Bonfires with s’mores
* Movie Night with popcorn
* Canoeing, zip lines and other water activities
* Affirmation Ceremony
* Father’s Blessing Ceremony
* Rite of Passage Experience
* And much more!

To receive updates on The Father’s Heart Weekend, send your email address to:

Glenn McClure // 615.294.5072 glennmcclure@mac.com
Phil Davis // 615.400.8019 philbdavis@gmail.com

Weekend is SOLD OUT and registration is now closed.

CLICK to register for August 21-23 Weekend

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“This is my Son, chosen and marked by my love, delight of my life.” Matt. 3:17 (MSG)

“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons…” 2 Cor. 6:18 (NIV)

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Jn. 14:18 (NIV)

Why does it take a weekend retreat for us men to get in touch with our deeper selves? Why must we go deep into our own history and story to reveal the pain and glory of our own pilgrimage? As I am going on nearly six months in my new gig with Awana, I am coming to the conclusion that we men have been hoodwinked. By whom you might ask? By the Church itself? Let me unpack this statement.

First of all, let me say that most of the men and women in full time ministry to children and teens are overwhelmed with the responsibility of pouring into children. Most are humbled and deeply desire to have parents be a part of the process. However, there has been the unwitting message that the Church is the place these children are ultimately going to be lead to the Lord and nurtured in that walk. Unfortunately the competition amongst churches has lead the Church to over promise and under deliver. Some of this comes from the tendency of Churches to market their ministries like we sell products and services.

Nashville is replete with dynamic seemingly thriving churches with great facilities and a burgeoning staff. Given the size and fiscal demands of churches and their behemoth budgets, it is no wonder they consistently tout their expertise in ministry and stewardship. “Come to our services, worship with us on Sunday, and involve yourself and your family in our programs and tithe, tithe tithe.” “If you do,” they say “God will bless you with a great life, your marriage will be without stress and your children will all be gloriously obedient and walk in the ways of the Lord.” This is of course exaggerated for the sake of my point but we are all living in the age of the expert. Give me your kids and I will help form them into disciples. Drop them off at our door and watch us work magic.

Unfortunately, statistics are now telling us that kids are leaving the church in groves when they graduate. Statistics are also telling us that kids no longer see any conflict between their faith and lying, cheating and stealing. The Church experts have somehow missed the trend. Our kids are going to be the first post Christian culture in a long while. By that I mean we have raised a generation of children that are no longer followers of Jesus. What to do? Well I could offer one more attempt to farm your kids out to experts or I could offer up a much more biblical and yet challenging alternative. Start a home church! As the father, see your children as the first ones you lead to the Lord and regard this as teaching them what it means to evangelize the world. What a novel idea. Or is it?

As spiritual manhood and masculinity have been under attack in the last half century through various cultural shifts, we men have found that women and the experts have seemingly taken over a job we were destined to have from the foundations of the earth. We men, who are fathers, have been given a mandate to raise our children in the admonition of the Lord.

So that this communication remains encouraging, let me say that I realize how many men have not been fathered themselves. My experience with New Adam and Samson in recent years has revealed to me the very thing I am bringing up in this letter. Without actively engaged fathers teaching their children the very Word of God, the children will have a large hole in their spiritual formation and ultimately in their character.

The Father’s Heat Weekend is a place to start. The weekend is planned by fathers and there are no experts pontificating from an ivory tower. The very nature of this gathering is to offer fathers and their sons an opportunity to come together through spiritual encounters that reveal the supernatural bond God has placed in their hearts for one another. Young boys get to see firsthand just how much their fathers love them. Fathers get to see firsthand how sons respond when offered lovingly an experience that leads them into the depths of our heavenly Father’s heart. For many men, it has become a jumping off point to fulfill much of what this letter reveals & challenges men to become. For other fathers, it is a weekend of confirmation as they see their boys blossoming and interacting in ways that honor the relationship that has been already formed over the years. It becomes a time of tremendous intimacy with your own child and with other fathers.

Seldom does or culture offer time where both fathers and sons can sit under the power and presence of God together and drink in just how much our God desires for the family to be a reflection of His family – the trinity. The very nature of God is communion. The Father’s Heart Weekend can be the very place for this deep communion to begin.

There is an uprising of men in our Church today. We are taking back our responsibilities to be the head of our home (I speak of this teaching with full understanding that mothers are deeply involved as well). In this headship there is tremendous leverage given to us by the Father Himself. As He covers us so we cover our children and wives. The great Messianic prophesy of Psalm 22 shows how God brings the glory of salvation from one generation to the next through those who take seriously the charge to teach their children: A posterity shall serve Him. It will be recounted of the Lord to the next generation, they will come and declare His righteousness to a people who will be born, that He has done this. (Psalm 22:30-31) Give your children a thousand reasons to believe. Maybe this upcoming weekend will be one of the first reasons. Pray about it.

David Bunker (someone who had a father teach him God’s ways)

Research

Researcher George Barna maintains that if current trends in the belief systems and practices of the younger generation continue, in ten years, church attendance will be half the size it is today.

Dawson MacAlister, national youth ministry specialist, remarked that 90% of youth active in high school church programs drop out of church by the time they are sophomores on college.

Data from the Southern Baptist Convention indicates that we are currently losing 70-88% of our youth after their freshman year in college. In a report to the Southern Baptist Convention Executive Committee, T.C. Pinkney observed that 70% of teenagers involved in church youth groups stop attending church within two years of their high school graduation. The Southern Baptist Council on Family Life**reported an even more staggering statistic — that 88% of the children in evangelical homes leave church at the age of 18.

The child within is “to be for ever fresh-born!”  Recovering and holding on to the wonder of the boy within is what we are after as men and sons of the Father.  This is how we continue in the unlearning of self-protection and where we remember and discover anew the child we are in Christ!

As men, we need many opportunities to take ourselves out of our normal routines and put ourselves in a context and place where we can unplug, play and be fresh-born…again.

We must, along with the Scriptures and the church “disciple” our boys out in creation, where we can train, develop, and continue to mold them into holy young men that are learning how to walk and talk with God their perfect Father.

Masculine spirituality calls us out into the wild–with the Creator– where the Holy Spirit can transform us as we are taken to the Father through the finished work of Jesus His son.

Celebrating the wonder of our boys and calling out what is in their hearts in a masculine and spiritual way is what we are after as Fathers of sons.  There is a wonderful, mysterious beauty to all of this…praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit!